Proposition #223

With the national debt growing ever higher, millions and millions of dollars at a time, it makes one think towards the future and retirement opportunities. Yes, even The Falcon will have to one day fly south for the winter. But rather than worry about retirement, 401K's, and denture cream, I've got an unconventional retirement plan that will be carried out before I die. 

Some might call it a "bucket list" but that's way too lame for The Falcon. I'm implementing what I like to call DEFCON: OMEGA. Basically, this is a list of wicked awesome stuff that I plan to do in place of rotting away in a nursing home.

Which brings me to number one on the DEFCON: OMEGA agenda, Proposition #223: Bear Punch

So there it is. Number one. Bear Punch. What better way to say, "Take that Mother Nature, I ain't dead yet!"? 

I know you're wondering how in the world this is going to be possible. And before you ask, no I'm not some bear hatin' left wing nut job. I would just like a challenge before I die. Look at all those big macho hunters who fly up to Alaska for "hunting" as they sit from a safe distance, pick off a bear with a high powered rifle, then pat each other on the back and try to pose for a new facebook profile pic. Bleh, makes me gag. They probably don't even eat it. What a waste. But I'm not like that. I'm in it for the sport. Unlike those flamboyant matadors at bull fights that lack all chivalry, (you know, the "fights" where the guy has a sword and the bull has blunted horns), I will battle with honor. That's why I've set up several guidelines for Proposition #223 which include:

• The bear must be found in the wild. No cage matches, zoos or otherwise.
• I must be alone. Mono a mono, with the bear. 
• Male or Female is inapplicable. (Females tend to be more vicious when protecting cubs, hence a better fight).
• The bear must be at least as tall as me when standing, I'll fight bigger if needed. No baby bear. 
• I will not crouch down in the fetal position unless dead. I'm no quitter. 
• Pandas don't count.
• Fisticuffs only.
• If the bear retreats, the match is over.
• If the bear dies, the match is over.
• If I die, the match is over.
• I will formally address the bear with my intentions before attacking; I'm no savage.
• In the event of the bear's defeat, ending in the demise of said bear, while leaving behind cubs, I assume responsibility for raising them as my own. But I will kill them if I have to, during their angsty teenage years.
• Video rights will be negotiated and propagated solely by BEAR PUNCH LLC.   

I feel that this will be the best possible course of action for The Falcon to take before finally roosting in the big nest in the sky. Provided I live, I will move on down the list of DEFCON: OMEGA.


Stay wise. 

-The Falcon