Proposition #187

I was robbed the other day at the gas pump, by the gas pump. Three dollars a gallon is quite excessive in my opinion. With the push for greener, more sustainable, and more awesome modes of transportation, Americans are once again turning to their foreign counterparts to remedy the solution. Imported cars have long been superior to American made vehicles in the realms of fuel efficiency and burgeoning technology; however I propose that America needs to re-engineer the solution. We need something that says “BAM! Eat that, I’m America!” 

This brings me to Proposition #187: The Komodo Dragon Chariot.

Now, let’s be honest, what could be more epic than a chariot pulled by Komodo dragons?

…Exactly.

You want foreign policy, BOOM! Have The President cruise through North Korea on one of these things. But in spite of the sheer awesomeness that would make Chuck Norris blush, it also has a very practical application.

What could be greener than Komodo Dragons? First off, they’re lizards. Green lizards. Also they’re low maintenance. I’m pretty sure that goats by the pound are cheaper than gas by the gallon. And since they don’t have a natural enemy, they’d make excellent guard …lizards. Imagine someone trying to jack your ride while you’re in the 7-11. With a car, a crook would have about five minutes to break in, hotwire, and drive away. You’d be stuck filling out police reports and would be lucky to ever see your car again. Now imagine you have a Komodo dragon chariot. Instead coming out to find a stolen vehicle, you see your pals chomping on the half-eaten corpse of the would-be thief: justice, security, and fuel all in one. That being said, the KD chariot would also alert you when it’s low on fuel. When you suddenly veer off the road as your lizards devour the neighbor’s dog or that courier cyclist, you’ll know it’s time for a break.

I know what you’re thinking: “How would they be able to shuttle the obese population of America?” The answer, like all things: steroids. Juiced lizards would give your engine a turbo function, just hang a frozen chicken from a fishing pole in front of them and watch your investment pay for itself. Granted, it might not get you up to 70mph, but when you’re rollin’ dragon style, why not savor every mile?

With lethal bacteria-laced saliva, these vehicles would have excellent military application as well. Not to mention, give the troops a massive morale boost.

After several tests, blinders are recommended and winter driving ends up being a bit sluggish. Don't get attached to small children.

-The Falcon