This wintry season makes me ever thankful for my abundant facial hair; however growing one can be a rather arduous task for some. In the end, after weeks of cultivating seeds of manliness upon chiseled cheeks of testosterone, a patchy beard can steal every manpoint in a single glance. In this proposal, I will be devising an expedient measure for rapid beard growth.
Behold! The Sneeze-able Beard:
Now, I do not profess to be a doctor or play one on TV, but I feel like a legitimate solution could soon bring this theory into reality. I plan to develop a solution that will be able to increase male facial hair growth with every natural sneeze. Finasteride or dutasteride steroids will be injected into the male’s skin though the release patch temporarily adhered to the skin. Over time the body will build up a natural tolerance to DHT, a testosterone byproduct, which will promote a beard friendly environment. The second stage of patches will be an isolator that will seal the chemicals into the follicles of hair themselves, much like forensic science utilizes drug analysis, I will retro engineer this principle to create Super Hair. From that point, a third patch regimen will allow for the culmination of the triggering growth to come from the normal sneeze. Ideally, the male facial scalp will be saturated with Super Hair follicles, bursting from the roots, seeking release. Therefore, a sneeze will provide a proper force, from a physics standpoint, serving as a catalyst of freeing the hair and enhancing the bushiness of one’s beard.
Many tests are still pending as the first string of candidates went bald. But don’t worry, they’re also sterile now so they can’t pass on the mutation.
An expense for science.
-The Falcon
nice
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