It occured to me the other day as I sat through another monotonous chicken nugget commercial in attempts to calibrate the satellite uplink to the main monitor that Americans are rather self indulgent when it comes to their diets. Therefore, those who enjoy chicken, or "chicken" as the case may be, pressed into nugget shapes or resembling "fingers," must regularly devote funds to said foods. If one were an intelligent being, harnessing the capitalist system of America, one could, as the kids say, make significant "bank".
Which brings me to Proposition #459: Boneless Chickens.
"Wha.. Boneless Chicken? Falcon, you're a coot." No, it hasn't already been invented. Allow me to explain. Between the coop and the drive-thru there is a significant amount of middlemen. The farmer, the driver, the butcher, the processor, and the distributor and tons of other people who don't need the money. I propose to eliminate the noise by breeding chickens without bones. Rather than having tons of bones discarded, why not breed chickens that have 99% meat. That way you can just kill them and cook them.
I'm not entirely sure about how to produce this race of mush birds, but I feel that tampering with the pituitary gland may yield results. If I can downgrade the chicken to produce rapid amounts of meat, without tumorous overgrowth, it would put an end to the current system of chicken production. Why waste the life of a chicken? There's all that brutality involved and the blood and the guts. I propose breeding a less life chicken, a chicken that has no real feeling but only grows. Only minimal organ function and cellular respiration will be necessary.
These blobular bird ball will be less like butchering chickens and more like harvesting cabbage. Ultimately, it will be a very lucrative business endeavor.
Innovating,
-The Falcon
No comments:
Post a Comment